One of the many milestones in pregnancy that every mother been waiting for is feeling her baby's first kick. I had no idea how it would feel like. What I know for sure is I've been having this sensation like air bubbles running around my stomach, or like butterfly fluttering in my belly since I was 15weeks pregnant.
Today, just after I finished my dinner, I felt it! Something inside of me nudge my belly, firm and strong. I was shocked, I stayed very still, my eyes were staring at my belly. And there it happened again: more kicks! Oh God! I put both of my hands on my belly, feel the movements and the excitement, my eyes filled with tears. I feel stronger connection between me and my baby.
I told Loel and he put his hand on my belly. But baby stopped kicking. In a week or so later I figured out when baby is more likely active and moving a lot. Usually during or after my lunch or dinner or when I was relaxing or napping. Loel finally got the kicks! And since then, he used to put his hand on my belly when I was sleeping. He tries to bond with his child. Sweet!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Preparing for Nursery and for Myself
Since my pregnancy was confirmed, I've been being a constant looker at craigslist website. What am I looking for? Baby items, of course! So far, I got a very nice baby crib (by Delta Luv) that converts to a toddler ro twin size bed. The owner even threw in a matching baby cradle and changing pads for free. That's what I love about dealing with other craigslisters. I also got a traveler system (by Graco) which is a combination of stroller and infant car seat.
I did research through several baby-parents magazines and websites to find out what items we need to have for the nursery room and for the baby itself. From there I made a shopping list based on priority what we need the most. This may be useful for anyone of you who are now expecting.
I did research through several baby-parents magazines and websites to find out what items we need to have for the nursery room and for the baby itself. From there I made a shopping list based on priority what we need the most. This may be useful for anyone of you who are now expecting.
- Baby crib. Choose one with at least two mattress-height positions. Crib with stationary sides is best because there are no moving parts that could malfunction and could lead to accident.
- Crib mattress. Choose the one that is firm.
- Sheet protector/mattress pad
- Mattress sheets. You will need 3-4 of it. Ideally with elastic all around.
- Baby monitor.
- Lamp
- Glider/rocking chair. This will be a great companion when nursing.
- Diaper pail.
- Small hamper. I'd like to separate my baby's laundry from regular laundry.
- Toy storage
For baby's clothing:
- 8 bodysuits
- 3 shirt-and-pant sets
- 4 coveralls (one piece footed outfits)
- 1 sweater
- 6 pairs of socks
- 2 large hooded towels
- 6 sleep gowns with elastic bottom
- 2 sleep sacks
- 6-10 burp cloths
- 2 receiving blankets
- 1 swaddling wrap
- coat. If your baby is born during winter.
- knit hat
Baby gears:
- Infant car seat. Chose the one with higher weight limit to extend its usefulness
- Stroller. Choose the one that either allows your newborn to fully recline or accomodates the infant car seat.
- Umbrella stroller/ jogger/jogging stroller.
- Convertible car seat.
- Sling/front carrier
- Infant baby tub
- diaper bag
- Bouncer, and/swing. Works best to soothe the baby
- Playyard
- stationary activity center/ tummy time activity
I bought travel system that serves both as infant car seat and stroller. I didn't buy the umbrella stroller, instead I bought jogger stroller that will help me exercise to get back to my pre-pregnant shape. I found one that is very nice, almost brand new, at a 'yard sale' price on craigslist. You'll never know what a nice deal you could find on craigslist!
I bought some maternity clothes, eventhough my belly is not so much bulkier than before. I am just a little carried away by euphoria of being pregnant. After all, this is my first pregnancy in 38 years of age. I read my pregnancy guide book, search for more infos online. Mainly is to find out how to keep baby and me healthy without leaving my vegetarian diet during pregnancy. During my research, I also found an interesting book "Hypnobirthing Method" by Marie Longan at Amazon. This book teaches the breathing techniques to redirect focus during labor and delivery so that the mother and baby could experience natural and comfortable birthing with less or even no pain. Once I got the book, I started the breathing exercise daily.
Friday, December 4, 2009
16 Weeks Check Up
July 8, 2009
I found brown spotting just before we left for 16 weeks check up. I was scared that my baby was harmed. Doctor did pelvic exam and found out that the bleeding was still persistent. I remember I lifted heavy objects the last 2 days and I was drained. She did doppler check up and baby's heart beat was great (150 bpm) but she was really concern about the bleeding and wrote me recommendation to my manager that said "no lifting for at least for 2 weeks, due to complication in pregnancy".
I was relieved that my baby is fine, in the other hand I blamed myself for being selfish and performing my job as if I wasn't pregnant. I have to be more careful now and use more precautions at work. Fortunately, my bleeding subsided that very night.
I met Paula, my new manager, the next day and gave her the letter from my doctor. I told her that bleeding has subsided and I just need to "modify" how I carry out my daily duty and adjust to a level that is less strenuous. Out of my awareness, she went to Brett and told him what happened. Of course, my company doesn't want to take risk of employing pregnant woman with complication. So, they decided to send me home and not to coming back to work unless doctor advise otherwise.
I called my doctor the next day talked to the nurse about what happened. They understood the situation and fax me a letter saying that I can go back to work with "modified job description". Paula received that letter the next day and after discussing it with Brett, allowing me to go back to work on Monday. Phew!
I found brown spotting just before we left for 16 weeks check up. I was scared that my baby was harmed. Doctor did pelvic exam and found out that the bleeding was still persistent. I remember I lifted heavy objects the last 2 days and I was drained. She did doppler check up and baby's heart beat was great (150 bpm) but she was really concern about the bleeding and wrote me recommendation to my manager that said "no lifting for at least for 2 weeks, due to complication in pregnancy".
I was relieved that my baby is fine, in the other hand I blamed myself for being selfish and performing my job as if I wasn't pregnant. I have to be more careful now and use more precautions at work. Fortunately, my bleeding subsided that very night.
I met Paula, my new manager, the next day and gave her the letter from my doctor. I told her that bleeding has subsided and I just need to "modify" how I carry out my daily duty and adjust to a level that is less strenuous. Out of my awareness, she went to Brett and told him what happened. Of course, my company doesn't want to take risk of employing pregnant woman with complication. So, they decided to send me home and not to coming back to work unless doctor advise otherwise.
I called my doctor the next day talked to the nurse about what happened. They understood the situation and fax me a letter saying that I can go back to work with "modified job description". Paula received that letter the next day and after discussing it with Brett, allowing me to go back to work on Monday. Phew!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Baby's Heartbeats
Monday, June 8th, 2009
We went for 12 weeks check up at Oakwood women's clinic. Today we had 'combine screening test' or popular with "nuchal translucent test'. This test combine mother's blood test and baby's usg to check the possibility of down syndrome. The usg measure the thickness of baby's neck nerve and match it with my blood test. The result will be available in about 2 weeks. If they found something wrong, then we need to discuss about more accurate test called amniocentesis, or even worse CVS (chorionic villi sample) which I prayed so hard to be avoided.
During usg, we could see what then was a little tiny jelly bean now is growing bigger. The head looks unproportionally big (bigger than the body), we could see the nose, ears (more like holes on both sides of the head), lips, little tiny fingers, and the limbs. Nurse said the arms and fingers develop earlier than the legs and feet. If you see the pictures in this page, our baby looked like a little alien. A cute one! And for the first time, we could hear the baby heartbeats. 154 beats per minute! It was like magic to be able to hear our baby's heartbeats banging so fast. It brought tears to my eyes.
I'm still doing fine. No morning sickness, no strange food craving, no fatigue. Well, I don't know if you can call it craving, but I'm more into fruits now than I was before. Any kind of fruit, but especially grapes and oranges. I also started doing prenatal yoga to keep me energized.
Oh, and I love to see how my baby belly grows. I took pictures every few weeks. The one above was taken at 15 weeks. It's a bit bulky...he..he..
We went for 12 weeks check up at Oakwood women's clinic. Today we had 'combine screening test' or popular with "nuchal translucent test'. This test combine mother's blood test and baby's usg to check the possibility of down syndrome. The usg measure the thickness of baby's neck nerve and match it with my blood test. The result will be available in about 2 weeks. If they found something wrong, then we need to discuss about more accurate test called amniocentesis, or even worse CVS (chorionic villi sample) which I prayed so hard to be avoided.
During usg, we could see what then was a little tiny jelly bean now is growing bigger. The head looks unproportionally big (bigger than the body), we could see the nose, ears (more like holes on both sides of the head), lips, little tiny fingers, and the limbs. Nurse said the arms and fingers develop earlier than the legs and feet. If you see the pictures in this page, our baby looked like a little alien. A cute one! And for the first time, we could hear the baby heartbeats. 154 beats per minute! It was like magic to be able to hear our baby's heartbeats banging so fast. It brought tears to my eyes.
I'm still doing fine. No morning sickness, no strange food craving, no fatigue. Well, I don't know if you can call it craving, but I'm more into fruits now than I was before. Any kind of fruit, but especially grapes and oranges. I also started doing prenatal yoga to keep me energized.
Oh, and I love to see how my baby belly grows. I took pictures every few weeks. The one above was taken at 15 weeks. It's a bit bulky...he..he..10 days later I got a call from doctor office. The combine screening test result was good, meaning there is nothing to worry about. Oh, Thank God!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
First Doctor Check Up
Tuesday, May 4th, 2009
Today I'm officially 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant. So far, I feel perfectly fine, no morning sickness, no nausea, no vommit, no exessively fatigue, no food craving, nothing! It's been being a really easy pregnancy to me. Thanks to all the supplement regiment I took before I got pregnant and a healthy diet. I do feel that my palate is slightly change that made certain foods taste like metal. But it doesn't really bother my appetite. Oh, and I don't know if this is considered food craving, but I eat more fruits than ever before. Especially grapes, berries and oranges!
We're getting ready for our first obgyn checkup. Few days after those positive pregnancy tests, I was still not fully convinced and wanted to have more accurate test done in the clinic. I called Planned Parenthood and general clinics. But all they can do is urine test. None of obgyn clinic want to see me untill I'm 7 weeks pregnant. So, I went through Aetna website, my insurance company, to find obgyn nearby that has good review and ratings. I found this clinic "Oakwood Women Center", located next to Round Rock St. David hospital. I registered under Dr. Susan Orth. Meanwhile, I stopped taking supplement regimen for my alkaline diet and started to take prenatal supplements. I ordered Rainbow Light One a Day Prenatal and Spectrum DHA (made from algal oil, instead of fish oil), Calcium, vitamin B, and vitamin C. I read lots about pregnancy diet and vegetarian baby.
At 1.30pm we arrived at the clinic. After filling out the registration form, we waited in the lovely waiting room. Half an hour later, a nurse came and called out my name. She took my urine sample then lead us to USG room and told me to undress waist down and lay down on the examining table. We waited in that dimly lit room until next staff came in and explained procedure to us. Since I'm only 7 weeks pregnant the best way to confirm pregnancy is with transvaginal USG, where the probe called transducer inserted into my vagina.
I laid there, my feet on stirrups, the nurse lubricated the probe with gel and and placed it inside of me, then we all nervously watched the screen and waited and....there it is...a hollow sac filled with little tiny thing that looked like a jelly bean! She said, "That's your baby! Congratulation!" She magnified that jelly bean and we could see something inside throbbing. "That's the tiny baby's heart pounding" She turned on the speaker and we could listen to the baby's heartbeats. Oh My God! It was amazing! My eyes were wet while I told her how long we've been waiting for this baby, how hard we tried, all the challenges with cyst and cancer, and just when we were less expected, it suddenly happened. It's a miracle! She congrated us.
The nurse worked around my abdomen with the USG probe to check if everything else is fine. Then she found another white sac in my right ovary. The size is about 2cm. It's a cyst! I can't believe the cyst came back. But, nurse told me as the baby grows and my hormon changes, the cyst ussualy will shrivel. I'm so relieved. So, nothing to worry about. Everything else is perfectly normal. There's no sign of ectopic pregnancy, baby's heartbeat is normal (146 bpm), my blood pressure and urine test is normal. I'm healthy and I'm having a healthy baby. Thank you Lord Jesus!
Nurse gave us copies of USG fotos and video (in DVD) and she congrated us again. Then we waited to see our doctor. Dr. Orth is friendly and warm. She estimated my due date will be on December 20th, based on my LMP (Last day of my Menstrual Period). Close to Christmas! She explained briefly what to expect during the next 8 months, what kind of tests will be performed and some of them are optionals, the risks of having baby in my age for first time (I'll be 38 yo this August), etc. When we were done, the nurse gave me a bag full with magazines, pregnancy guide book, booklets, and samples of prenatal supplement. Wow!
When we got home, I went straight to my laptop and wrote emails about this great news to my best buddies: Jolanda, Esther, Veyke, and Rini. Also to my sister-in-law Indah. Loel couldn't wait and called Britt already and broke this news. Britt was excited and wrote in his facebook,"I'm gonna be a big brother". OMG! That was so, so, sweet of him! I then browsed Craigslist for baby gears. The thought of being pregnant become more real and I was a bit overwhelmed with excitements. After all, this is my first pregnancy, and I'm entering a new phase in women's life: motherhood...
Today I'm officially 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant. So far, I feel perfectly fine, no morning sickness, no nausea, no vommit, no exessively fatigue, no food craving, nothing! It's been being a really easy pregnancy to me. Thanks to all the supplement regiment I took before I got pregnant and a healthy diet. I do feel that my palate is slightly change that made certain foods taste like metal. But it doesn't really bother my appetite. Oh, and I don't know if this is considered food craving, but I eat more fruits than ever before. Especially grapes, berries and oranges!
We're getting ready for our first obgyn checkup. Few days after those positive pregnancy tests, I was still not fully convinced and wanted to have more accurate test done in the clinic. I called Planned Parenthood and general clinics. But all they can do is urine test. None of obgyn clinic want to see me untill I'm 7 weeks pregnant. So, I went through Aetna website, my insurance company, to find obgyn nearby that has good review and ratings. I found this clinic "Oakwood Women Center", located next to Round Rock St. David hospital. I registered under Dr. Susan Orth. Meanwhile, I stopped taking supplement regimen for my alkaline diet and started to take prenatal supplements. I ordered Rainbow Light One a Day Prenatal and Spectrum DHA (made from algal oil, instead of fish oil), Calcium, vitamin B, and vitamin C. I read lots about pregnancy diet and vegetarian baby.
At 1.30pm we arrived at the clinic. After filling out the registration form, we waited in the lovely waiting room. Half an hour later, a nurse came and called out my name. She took my urine sample then lead us to USG room and told me to undress waist down and lay down on the examining table. We waited in that dimly lit room until next staff came in and explained procedure to us. Since I'm only 7 weeks pregnant the best way to confirm pregnancy is with transvaginal USG, where the probe called transducer inserted into my vagina.
I laid there, my feet on stirrups, the nurse lubricated the probe with gel and and placed it inside of me, then we all nervously watched the screen and waited and....there it is...a hollow sac filled with little tiny thing that looked like a jelly bean! She said, "That's your baby! Congratulation!" She magnified that jelly bean and we could see something inside throbbing. "That's the tiny baby's heart pounding" She turned on the speaker and we could listen to the baby's heartbeats. Oh My God! It was amazing! My eyes were wet while I told her how long we've been waiting for this baby, how hard we tried, all the challenges with cyst and cancer, and just when we were less expected, it suddenly happened. It's a miracle! She congrated us.
The nurse worked around my abdomen with the USG probe to check if everything else is fine. Then she found another white sac in my right ovary. The size is about 2cm. It's a cyst! I can't believe the cyst came back. But, nurse told me as the baby grows and my hormon changes, the cyst ussualy will shrivel. I'm so relieved. So, nothing to worry about. Everything else is perfectly normal. There's no sign of ectopic pregnancy, baby's heartbeat is normal (146 bpm), my blood pressure and urine test is normal. I'm healthy and I'm having a healthy baby. Thank you Lord Jesus!
Nurse gave us copies of USG fotos and video (in DVD) and she congrated us again. Then we waited to see our doctor. Dr. Orth is friendly and warm. She estimated my due date will be on December 20th, based on my LMP (Last day of my Menstrual Period). Close to Christmas! She explained briefly what to expect during the next 8 months, what kind of tests will be performed and some of them are optionals, the risks of having baby in my age for first time (I'll be 38 yo this August), etc. When we were done, the nurse gave me a bag full with magazines, pregnancy guide book, booklets, and samples of prenatal supplement. Wow!
When we got home, I went straight to my laptop and wrote emails about this great news to my best buddies: Jolanda, Esther, Veyke, and Rini. Also to my sister-in-law Indah. Loel couldn't wait and called Britt already and broke this news. Britt was excited and wrote in his facebook,"I'm gonna be a big brother". OMG! That was so, so, sweet of him! I then browsed Craigslist for baby gears. The thought of being pregnant become more real and I was a bit overwhelmed with excitements. After all, this is my first pregnancy, and I'm entering a new phase in women's life: motherhood...
Saturday, September 26, 2009
A Bundle of Joy
It was April 5th, few days before the supposed-to-be date of my period, when I felt my breast sore and tender and I was bloating almost all day. So, I told hubby Loel, "I think I'm gonna have my period, soon." He said nothing but, "Oh well, sorry...we'll just need to keep trying"
I was pretty sure that my period would come between April 7th to April 9th, considering I almost always have regular cycle: between 28-30 days. It slightly changed a bit after I had a cyst removal surgery back in January that also took my left ovary. Since then, my cycle became shorter and lighter: 26 days. And I've never ever missed a period in my life.
Few days passed without any sign of bleeding nor spotting. I started to get very anxious and scared that I might have the cyst back, or even worse, cancer. I read online about the symptoms and tried hard to convince myself that I'm perfectly fine.
April 15th, I was still bloating and my breast still sore (I got really irritated when Loel touched or accidentally pinched it) and theyfelt a little fuller than usual. Even my niples looks bigger than usual.
Sometimes, I was teased with the thought that I might be pregnant, but I was too scared to even think about it, let alone doing a pregnancy test. Too scared to be dissapointed, like it happened many times before. So, I simply just put that thoughts away. But, this morning I couldn't keep this fear and anxiety any longer.. it just consumed my energy. So, I opened the cabinet, took a pouch of pregnancy test strip that came with this bundle of ovulation strips I bought few years ago. I still had 2 testers left. I followed the direction and did the test and went to prepare my lunch. I really did not want to think or even expect positive result. Few minutes later, I came back to bathroom and checked: the strip still flatly laid there by the sink, only now it has shockingly 2 blue stripes on it.
Feeling between surprised and worried, I double checked the manual to make sure I did the test correctly. It was unbelievable! I broke down and cried, happy tears....I was overwhelmed and couldn't think right that whole day at work. I haven't told Loel, yet. Because I still couldn't believe it's true. After work, I went to HEB to buy another pregnancy test. They're expensive! I picked First Response. Once I got home, I went into bathroom, carefully made sure Loel did not see the tester package. I read the manual and did another test that very afternoon. Less than 3 minutes later two pink stripes shown. I was so consumed with excitement, my hands were shaking.
I came up with an idea to give Loel a little surprise: I wrote a little note said,"Congratulation honey, you are gonna be a father for a second time", I folded it with two tester inside and I waited until he was out of his working room, and I taped it on his monitor screen. I went back to our room and waited for his reaction. I saw him came back to his room, less than a minute later I saw him running out, screaming,"No way! Maria...is it true??" I nodded, "That's what the testers said." He couldn't believe it's true. So, we bought yet another tester, Clear Blue, and did another test the next day. It plainly show in digital "PREGNANT".
I was pretty sure that my period would come between April 7th to April 9th, considering I almost always have regular cycle: between 28-30 days. It slightly changed a bit after I had a cyst removal surgery back in January that also took my left ovary. Since then, my cycle became shorter and lighter: 26 days. And I've never ever missed a period in my life.
Few days passed without any sign of bleeding nor spotting. I started to get very anxious and scared that I might have the cyst back, or even worse, cancer. I read online about the symptoms and tried hard to convince myself that I'm perfectly fine.
April 15th, I was still bloating and my breast still sore (I got really irritated when Loel touched or accidentally pinched it) and theyfelt a little fuller than usual. Even my niples looks bigger than usual.
Sometimes, I was teased with the thought that I might be pregnant, but I was too scared to even think about it, let alone doing a pregnancy test. Too scared to be dissapointed, like it happened many times before. So, I simply just put that thoughts away. But, this morning I couldn't keep this fear and anxiety any longer.. it just consumed my energy. So, I opened the cabinet, took a pouch of pregnancy test strip that came with this bundle of ovulation strips I bought few years ago. I still had 2 testers left. I followed the direction and did the test and went to prepare my lunch. I really did not want to think or even expect positive result. Few minutes later, I came back to bathroom and checked: the strip still flatly laid there by the sink, only now it has shockingly 2 blue stripes on it.
Feeling between surprised and worried, I double checked the manual to make sure I did the test correctly. It was unbelievable! I broke down and cried, happy tears....I was overwhelmed and couldn't think right that whole day at work. I haven't told Loel, yet. Because I still couldn't believe it's true. After work, I went to HEB to buy another pregnancy test. They're expensive! I picked First Response. Once I got home, I went into bathroom, carefully made sure Loel did not see the tester package. I read the manual and did another test that very afternoon. Less than 3 minutes later two pink stripes shown. I was so consumed with excitement, my hands were shaking.
I came up with an idea to give Loel a little surprise: I wrote a little note said,"Congratulation honey, you are gonna be a father for a second time", I folded it with two tester inside and I waited until he was out of his working room, and I taped it on his monitor screen. I went back to our room and waited for his reaction. I saw him came back to his room, less than a minute later I saw him running out, screaming,"No way! Maria...is it true??" I nodded, "That's what the testers said." He couldn't believe it's true. So, we bought yet another tester, Clear Blue, and did another test the next day. It plainly show in digital "PREGNANT".
It was the greatest moment to see his face blushed with joy. WE'RE GONNA BE PARENTS!
In the Beginning
Since we married, we never used any birth control because we both want to have kid(s). I used to think that having a child is mechanical: you get married, have sex, then you have your children. As simple as that. But, weeks after weeks, months after months, turned calendar years, and still, no baby. I questioned myself: what's wrong with me? Or, is it something wrong with Loel?
I started to learn more about infertility from internet. I bought a bunch of ovulation test, check my BBT(basal body temperature), carefully made chart and marked out calendar so we both know when was good time for baby-making-sex. It stressed me out and I know Loel, too, felt same thing. Sometimes I thought he felt as if he was a sex machine, who has to be 'ready-to-kick in' when the time comes. But, he never complained, he's been so supporting to me. He even bought me Ovulite as my birthday gift. This is a lipstick-like-ovulation-tester. But, still no baby.
The Problem(s)
I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst a year after I moved to the state. It was on my left ovary and the size was 3.5 cm. I did not do follow up check up, as my obgyn advised, thinking that it may go away with my vegetarian diet. When we went back to Indonesia in 2006, I asked Loel to go to a fertility center in Surabaya to have both of us examined in order to find out what cause this infertility. Doctor found the cyst in my left ovary -about 1 cm bigger than it was- might be the culprit. He prescribed me with birth control, Yaz. This will help ease the pain and may reduce the size of the cyst. I took it for 4 months, I had regular period and no pain. But, still no baby.
After four years trying, we started to think about doing artificial insemination or, even more sophisticated, IVF (in vitro fertilization). September 2008, we went to obgyn to discuss about ART (assisted reproduction technology). Doc was happy to refer us to infertility expert. That was before he found a lump on my tummy. He ordered an USG test and the result was: 12cm cyst on my right ovary! He suggested a surgery to remove the cyst. I was shocked, we didn't prepare to hear this. So, Loel told doc we want to have second opinion.
I went for not only second opinion but fourth. All suggested that the cyst must be removed through surgery. And consider the size, the procedure would be an open, major surgery. The thought of having my abdomen cut open scared me to dead. I goggled to find natural treatment for cyst. I ordered e-book from 'www.ovariancystsnomore.com'. The guide said the method should give a positive result after 2 months of diet.
December 2008, I went to my obgyn to check whether the cyst had decreased in size. Ten days before, I did Novena prayer to seek for solution for my problem. Doc ordered a CT-scan followed up the USG result. The fact was even more surprising: the cyst was still there, it was even bigger by 1cm. I gave up, that e-book diet did not work for me.
Considered all the positives and negatives of the surgery, I decided to do it. Doc made a schedule for me in January 20th, 2009. Then, I arranged sick leave with my manager, Sandi. She is a big supporter to me.
Post Surgery
Surgery went well. Doc removed my left ovary since it was badly damaged. The cyst seemed to be benign and my right ovary is normal. I recovered pretty well post surgery and we were all very happy. But, two days later, doc brought me a bad news. Pathologyst found some cancerous cell (called clear carcinoma cell) on the ovary that was removed. It was like a lightning struck on my head. I was not prepared to hear anything like this. Doc refered me to an obgyn oncologyst for further treatment.
Entering Texas Oncologyst building, I felt like I was really sick. Our meeting with doc was even more sickened me. He planned to have me chemotherapied for 6 months, followed with 'exploratory' surgery where I will be cut open from chest to abdomen. It was horrible! All for something that may even not exist (FYI, there's no device nor test to see if the cancer cells are still inside my body, not until cancer cells are metastated to some limit where they become viable for tester). And until all the procedures done, I cannot have a baby.
I was so devastated with the fact that I had cancer. Looking back to when I took care of my dad who then died of lymphoma non-Hodgkin, I've never thought I would go through the same path as he did. I told Loel, I did not want to go with the treatment. I don't want to destroy my body with all those chemical poison (eventhough Doc convinced me the drugs are very safe, still it's poisonous). I would rather change my diet and just live my life to the fullest. I started meditation and yoga again. I picture myself as a healthy woman, I tell myself I'm fine, and I have to keep it that way, and things will be alright. I put all the bad thoughts at bay and focus on my long life dream: having a family of my own.
I started to learn more about infertility from internet. I bought a bunch of ovulation test, check my BBT(basal body temperature), carefully made chart and marked out calendar so we both know when was good time for baby-making-sex. It stressed me out and I know Loel, too, felt same thing. Sometimes I thought he felt as if he was a sex machine, who has to be 'ready-to-kick in' when the time comes. But, he never complained, he's been so supporting to me. He even bought me Ovulite as my birthday gift. This is a lipstick-like-ovulation-tester. But, still no baby.
The Problem(s)
I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst a year after I moved to the state. It was on my left ovary and the size was 3.5 cm. I did not do follow up check up, as my obgyn advised, thinking that it may go away with my vegetarian diet. When we went back to Indonesia in 2006, I asked Loel to go to a fertility center in Surabaya to have both of us examined in order to find out what cause this infertility. Doctor found the cyst in my left ovary -about 1 cm bigger than it was- might be the culprit. He prescribed me with birth control, Yaz. This will help ease the pain and may reduce the size of the cyst. I took it for 4 months, I had regular period and no pain. But, still no baby.
After four years trying, we started to think about doing artificial insemination or, even more sophisticated, IVF (in vitro fertilization). September 2008, we went to obgyn to discuss about ART (assisted reproduction technology). Doc was happy to refer us to infertility expert. That was before he found a lump on my tummy. He ordered an USG test and the result was: 12cm cyst on my right ovary! He suggested a surgery to remove the cyst. I was shocked, we didn't prepare to hear this. So, Loel told doc we want to have second opinion.
I went for not only second opinion but fourth. All suggested that the cyst must be removed through surgery. And consider the size, the procedure would be an open, major surgery. The thought of having my abdomen cut open scared me to dead. I goggled to find natural treatment for cyst. I ordered e-book from 'www.ovariancystsnomore.com'. The guide said the method should give a positive result after 2 months of diet.
December 2008, I went to my obgyn to check whether the cyst had decreased in size. Ten days before, I did Novena prayer to seek for solution for my problem. Doc ordered a CT-scan followed up the USG result. The fact was even more surprising: the cyst was still there, it was even bigger by 1cm. I gave up, that e-book diet did not work for me.
Considered all the positives and negatives of the surgery, I decided to do it. Doc made a schedule for me in January 20th, 2009. Then, I arranged sick leave with my manager, Sandi. She is a big supporter to me.
Post Surgery
Surgery went well. Doc removed my left ovary since it was badly damaged. The cyst seemed to be benign and my right ovary is normal. I recovered pretty well post surgery and we were all very happy. But, two days later, doc brought me a bad news. Pathologyst found some cancerous cell (called clear carcinoma cell) on the ovary that was removed. It was like a lightning struck on my head. I was not prepared to hear anything like this. Doc refered me to an obgyn oncologyst for further treatment.
Entering Texas Oncologyst building, I felt like I was really sick. Our meeting with doc was even more sickened me. He planned to have me chemotherapied for 6 months, followed with 'exploratory' surgery where I will be cut open from chest to abdomen. It was horrible! All for something that may even not exist (FYI, there's no device nor test to see if the cancer cells are still inside my body, not until cancer cells are metastated to some limit where they become viable for tester). And until all the procedures done, I cannot have a baby.
I was so devastated with the fact that I had cancer. Looking back to when I took care of my dad who then died of lymphoma non-Hodgkin, I've never thought I would go through the same path as he did. I told Loel, I did not want to go with the treatment. I don't want to destroy my body with all those chemical poison (eventhough Doc convinced me the drugs are very safe, still it's poisonous). I would rather change my diet and just live my life to the fullest. I started meditation and yoga again. I picture myself as a healthy woman, I tell myself I'm fine, and I have to keep it that way, and things will be alright. I put all the bad thoughts at bay and focus on my long life dream: having a family of my own.
It Started with the Two of Us
I met my husband, Loel Rucks Coleman, through a dating website in 2003. At that time, I was working at Smartkids, a children computer learning center in Surabaya, Indonesia while Loel lived in family ranch at Angleton, Texas. We communicate mostly through emails, chats, and phone calls. In December 2003, Loel decided to visit me and my family in Surabaya. I took him for a trip to Bali and Jogja with my best friend, Esther. We had so much fun! A surprise happened in Jogja, just a day before we headed back to Surabaya. We were having lunch in a popular 'gudeg' (a traditional local sweet-savoury dish made of young jackfruit) cafe, when he popped out a proposal. And as you all may guess, I accepted it.
Back in Surabaya, I told my family and best friends about the proposal. And since we wanted to do it right according to my cultural tradition, we planned on an official enggagement. My best friend, Jolanda, helped us with preparation. On December ,2004, my uncles and aunties came to witness our ceremony. Then, Loel arrived with Jolanda and her family. My dad conduct the ceremony which was more like investigation to Loel. He then put the ring on my finger and we both cut 'nasi tumpeng' (yellow rice that is shaped like a mountain) and gave the top to my dad as a symbol of respect and care for my family.
Loel, and I married in June 27th, 2004 in Surabaya, Indonesia. It was so sad that my dad couldn't be there for us. He passed away in April, 2004, just 2 months before our wedding date. Few months after our wedding, in September, my mom followed my dad, came back to Our Father's home. It was a very difficult time for me and my brother, Greddy, whose wife was expecting their first child. We lost both of our parents in less than 6 months. God has His will. We must move on with our lives.
With my parents passed away, Loel applied for my visa to come to US. We were both busy sending forms and documents back and forth for my visa. January 25th 2005, I arrived in San Fransisco, the city Loel knows well. April 1th, 2005, we had an official wedding at our hometown, Cedar Park, Texas., since it was required to complete my permanent resident card.
I got my temporary PR (permanent resident) card couple months later. This card valid for two years. But I can start looking for a job and get my driving license.
2006, we got notification letter from INS (Immigration and Naturalization Service, under Homeland Security) to renew my resident card. We went to San Antonio INS office to have an interview. Some friends gave me advises of do's and don'ts during interview. The interview went well and was fun. It wasn't as what my friends described, at all. Two months later I got my PR, and it's valid for 10 years. We're lucky we got it renewed just before INS increased the fees for all forms. Yes!
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