A Bundle of Joy

It was April 5th, few days before the supposed-to-be date of my period, when I felt my breast sore and tender and I was bloating almost all day. So, I told hubby Loel, "I think I'm gonna have my period, soon." He said nothing but, "Oh well, sorry...we'll just need to keep trying"

I was pretty sure that my period would come between April 7th to April 9th, considering I almost always have regular cycle: between 28-30 days. It slightly changed a bit after I had a cyst removal surgery back in January that also took my left ovary. Since then, my cycle became shorter and lighter: 26 days. And I've never ever missed a period in my life.

Few days passed without any sign of bleeding nor spotting. I started to get very anxious and scared that I might have the cyst back, or even worse, cancer. I read online about the symptoms and tried hard to convince myself that I'm perfectly fine.
April 15th, I was still bloating and my breast still sore (I got really irritated when Loel touched or accidentally pinched it) and theyfelt a little fuller than usual. Even my niples looks bigger than usual.



Sometimes, I was teased with the thought that I might be pregnant, but I was too scared to even think about it, let alone doing a pregnancy test. Too scared to be dissapointed, like it happened many times before. So, I simply just put that thoughts away. But, this morning I couldn't keep this fear and anxiety any longer.. it just consumed my energy. So, I opened the cabinet, took a pouch of pregnancy test strip that came with this bundle of ovulation strips I bought few years ago. I still had 2 testers left. I followed the direction and did the test and went to prepare my lunch. I really did not want to think or even expect positive result. Few minutes later, I came back to bathroom and checked: the strip still flatly laid there by the sink, only now it has shockingly 2 blue stripes on it.

Feeling between surprised and worried, I double checked the manual to make sure I did the test correctly. It was unbelievable! I broke down and cried, happy tears....I was overwhelmed and couldn't think right that whole day at work. I haven't told Loel, yet. Because I still couldn't believe it's true. After work, I went to HEB to buy another pregnancy test. They're expensive! I picked First Response. Once I got home, I went into bathroom, carefully made sure Loel did not see the tester package. I read the manual and did another test that very afternoon. Less than 3 minutes later two pink stripes shown. I was so consumed with excitement, my hands were shaking.

I came up with an idea to give Loel a little surprise: I wrote a little note said,"Congratulation honey, you are gonna be a father for a second time", I folded it with two tester inside and I waited until he was out of his working room, and I taped it on his monitor screen. I went back to our room and waited for his reaction. I saw him came back to his room, less than a minute later I saw him running out, screaming,"No way! Maria...is it true??" I nodded, "That's what the testers said." He couldn't believe it's true. So, we bought yet another tester, Clear Blue, and did another test the next day. It plainly show in digital "PREGNANT".

It was the greatest moment to see his face blushed with joy. WE'RE GONNA BE PARENTS!

In the Beginning

Since we married, we never used any birth control because we both want to have kid(s). I used to think that having a child is mechanical: you get married, have sex, then you have your children. As simple as that. But, weeks after weeks, months after months, turned calendar years, and still, no baby. I questioned myself: what's wrong with me? Or, is it something wrong with Loel?

I started to learn more about infertility from internet. I bought a bunch of ovulation test, check my BBT(basal body temperature), carefully made chart and marked out calendar so we both know when was good time for baby-making-sex. It stressed me out and I know Loel, too, felt same thing. Sometimes I thought he felt as if he was a sex machine, who has to be 'ready-to-kick in' when the time comes. But, he never complained, he's been so supporting to me. He even bought me Ovulite as my birthday gift. This is a lipstick-like-ovulation-tester. But, still no baby.



The Problem(s)


I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst a year after I moved to the state. It was on my left ovary and the size was 3.5 cm. I did not do follow up check up, as my obgyn advised, thinking that it may go away with my vegetarian diet. When we went back to Indonesia in 2006, I asked Loel to go to a fertility center in Surabaya to have both of us examined in order to find out what cause this infertility. Doctor found the cyst in my left ovary -about 1 cm bigger than it was- might be the culprit. He prescribed me with birth control, Yaz. This will help ease the pain and may reduce the size of the cyst. I took it for 4 months, I had regular period and no pain. But, still no baby.

After four years trying, we started to think about doing artificial insemination or, even more sophisticated, IVF (in vitro fertilization). September 2008, we went to obgyn to discuss about ART (assisted reproduction technology). Doc was happy to refer us to infertility expert. That was before he found a lump on my tummy. He ordered an USG test and the result was: 12cm cyst on my right ovary! He suggested a surgery to remove the cyst. I was shocked, we didn't prepare to hear this. So, Loel told doc we want to have second opinion.

I went for not only second opinion but fourth. All suggested that the cyst must be removed through surgery. And consider the size, the procedure would be an open, major surgery. The thought of having my abdomen cut open scared me to dead. I goggled to find natural treatment for cyst. I ordered e-book from 'www.ovariancystsnomore.com'. The guide said the method should give a positive result after 2 months of diet.

December 2008, I went to my obgyn to check whether the cyst had decreased in size. Ten days before, I did Novena prayer to seek for solution for my problem. Doc ordered a CT-scan followed up the USG result. The fact was even more surprising: the cyst was still there, it was even bigger by 1cm. I gave up, that e-book diet did not work for me.
Considered all the positives and negatives of the surgery, I decided to do it. Doc made a schedule for me in January 20th, 2009. Then, I arranged sick leave with my manager, Sandi. She is a big supporter to me.


Post Surgery

Surgery went well. Doc removed my left ovary since it was badly damaged. The cyst seemed to be benign and my right ovary is normal. I recovered pretty well post surgery and we were all very happy. But, two days later, doc brought me a bad news. Pathologyst found some cancerous cell (called clear carcinoma cell) on the ovary that was removed. It was like a lightning struck on my head. I was not prepared to hear anything like this. Doc refered me to an obgyn oncologyst for further treatment.
Entering Texas Oncologyst building, I felt like I was really sick. Our meeting with doc was even more sickened me. He planned to have me chemotherapied for 6 months, followed with 'exploratory' surgery where I will be cut open from chest to abdomen. It was horrible! All for something that may even not exist (FYI, there's no device nor test to see if the cancer cells are still inside my body, not until cancer cells are metastated to some limit where they become viable for tester). And until all the procedures done, I cannot have a baby.

I was so devastated with the fact that I had cancer. Looking back to when I took care of my dad who then died of lymphoma non-Hodgkin, I've never thought I would go through the same path as he did. I told Loel, I did not want to go with the treatment. I don't want to destroy my body with all those chemical poison (eventhough Doc convinced me the drugs are very safe, still it's poisonous). I would rather change my diet and just live my life to the fullest. I started meditation and yoga again. I picture myself as a healthy woman, I tell myself I'm fine, and I have to keep it that way, and things will be alright. I put all the bad thoughts at bay and focus on my long life dream: having a family of my own.

It Started with the Two of Us

I met my husband, Loel Rucks Coleman, through a dating website in 2003. At that time, I was working at Smartkids, a children computer learning center in Surabaya, Indonesia while Loel lived in family ranch at Angleton, Texas. We communicate mostly through emails, chats, and phone calls. In December 2003, Loel decided to visit me and my family in Surabaya. I took him for a trip to Bali and Jogja with my best friend, Esther. We had so much fun! A surprise happened in Jogja, just a day before we headed back to Surabaya. We were having lunch in a popular 'gudeg' (a traditional local sweet-savoury dish made of young jackfruit) cafe, when he popped out a proposal. And as you all may guess, I accepted it.

Back in Surabaya, I told my family and best friends about the proposal. And since we wanted to do it right according to my cultural tradition, we planned on an official enggagement. My best friend, Jolanda, helped us with preparation. On December ,2004, my uncles and aunties came to witness our ceremony. Then, Loel arrived with Jolanda and her family. My dad conduct the ceremony which was more like investigation to Loel. He then put the ring on my finger and we both cut 'nasi tumpeng' (yellow rice that is shaped like a mountain) and gave the top to my dad as a symbol of respect and care for my family.

Loel, and I married in June 27th, 2004 in Surabaya, Indonesia. It was so sad that my dad couldn't be there for us. He passed away in April, 2004, just 2 months before our wedding date. Few months after our wedding, in September, my mom followed my dad, came back to Our Father's home. It was a very difficult time for me and my brother, Greddy, whose wife was expecting their first child. We lost both of our parents in less than 6 months. God has His will. We must move on with our lives.

With my parents passed away, Loel applied for my visa to come to US. We were both busy sending forms and documents back and forth for my visa. January 25th 2005, I arrived in San Fransisco, the city Loel knows well. April 1th, 2005, we had an official wedding at our hometown, Cedar Park, Texas., since it was required to complete my permanent resident card.

I got my temporary PR (permanent resident) card couple months later. This card valid for two years. But I can start looking for a job and get my driving license.

2006, we got notification letter from INS (Immigration and Naturalization Service, under Homeland Security) to renew my resident card. We went to San Antonio INS office to have an interview. Some friends gave me advises of do's and don'ts during interview. The interview went well and was fun. It wasn't as what my friends described, at all. Two months later I got my PR, and it's valid for 10 years. We're lucky we got it renewed just before INS increased the fees for all forms. Yes!